Broken Beyond Compare
by randomness.awesomeness
Summary: Bella. Broken and abandoned by her one true love, she turns to Jacob for consolance. What will happen when the one person she could open up to again betrayed her?
1. Chapter 1

**Bella. Broken and abandoned by her one true love, she turns to Jacob for consolance. What will happen when the one person she could open up to again betrayed her?**

**Discalmer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything.**

**Basically, Jacob and Bella have become best friends. But one day, while trying to rebel and break her promise to Edward, Bella daringly kisses Jacob. She knows about the werewolfs. And we're all going to pretend the Victoria factor is being postponed until later and Bella and Jacob are being normalish. Jacob also starts showing his feelings for Bella. And it all goes from there so, Read. Review. Enjoy and pop yourself some popcorn.**

**BPOV**

I was sitting in Jacob's garage with him after falling off my bike for the umpteenth time, and damaging the bike in the process. As I sat there, I thought of how I was going to be as wreckless and dangerous as possible on order to break my promise to _him._

I stared up at my best friend, who I recently found out was a werewolf. As my mind wandered, I thought of how recently he had been showing signs of liking me more as a friend. Thinking about it, I thought life with Jacob, since_ he_ would never return, wouldn't be so bad. Jake was my personal sunshine, and had managed to break through the numbness that had enclosed me ever since September.

Jacob was also a werewolf. _He_ probably wouldn't approve of werewolves. This was a plus side to what I was about to do.

"Bella," Jacob said, pulling me out of my thoughts, "I probably won't be able to finish the bikes for another few days. Let's go for a walk on the beach."

"Alright," I said. I got up and followed Jacob out of the garage and down to First Beach.

As we strolled, he casually grabbed my hand as we made our way down the beach. We came to sit on a piece of driftwood I recognized, where Jacob first told me the legend o the "cold ones." Jacob looked nervous for some reason, and I wondered why. He was always so comfortable, so happy and easy going.

"Bella…I have to tell you something," Jacob said nervously. I was curious as to why.

"Okay, go ahead," I replied.

"Bella. I've always liked you. Ever since I first saw you that day on First Beach. And, well, I know that you're broken, but I'm alright with that. I-" Jacob said.

I cut him off with a kiss before he could finish. This was possible one of the most daring things I've done, but I figured that since there was no hope of a life with _him _anymore, at least I could be happy with Jacob. It was a sweet and gentle kiss and only lasted a few seconds. I looked up to find Jacob in pure awe. I blushed.

"Bella, I-," he started, then froze. I looked up to see him looking at a girl, around 16. She was rather pretty, and was sitting on the beach, staring out to see. I looked back at Jacob and at once was drowned in my own realization. It was the same exact way Sam looked at Emily.

He had imprinted.

**Love it? Hate it? Wanna squash it like a bug? Review and tell me so.**

**Oh, and Bella knew about imprinting because they went to Sam and Emily's house and Bella asked about that story and Jake told her. Anyways, REVIEWWW! ;]**


	2. Chapter 2

**So sorry it took me so long to update, I just had to take a while to figure out where I was going…a long while lol. Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to my best friend and tvfe Jamie because she's awesome ;]**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

I had been broken once before. By _him._

Now I was broken again. It might have been more painful than the original blow, not because I loved Jacob more than Edward, but because I had finally been able to find a small shred of happiness in my lonely, isolated world.

And now that was gone too.

I had become numb again. After being broken twice, I couldn't bear the pain. I didn't know if there was ever a chance of becoming better after this.

I clamored up the beach, never looking back, and found my faithful beat up truck. I started the car and drove home. Eventually I got there, and once I arrived all I remembered of the car ride was the numbness that enclosed me once again.

I walked up to the door, and entered the house. Charlie was watching sports on television, as expected. I said a quick "Hey Dad," and went upstairs to my room. Charlie shouldn't be subjected to the incredible numbness I had managed to slip out of, but once again found myself submerged in once again.

As I entered my familiar light blue room, I was struck with the fact that Edward had been in here many times, even before I knew so myself. That Edward had laid next to me as I slept, never to sleep himself. That the same Edward had left me, just beyond this house, claiming to not love me anymore.

I suddenly couldn't take it anymore. I let myself bath in the memories of Edward, memories I can never be certain were a dream or reality.

**Okay short chapter but I think they'll get longer because SPOILER! I'm incorporating Edward back into this story…how you'll just have to read and find out END SPOILER!**

**So yea tell me if you wanna eat it up like your favorite plate of diner pancakes or if you wanna throw it into the burning flames. I'm a person who wants to know what people really think, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be mean/ rude either. Anyways I think I'm going to start updating more soon (hopefully. This took me so long to update and it probably goes under the category of evil biology teacher [although outside of the classroom shes perfectly nice to me anways] but who wants to hear the same old excuses? ) But REVIEWWW! :]**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine, I don't own Twilight.**

**Okay, so I feel bad about not updating in forever…so dun dun dun next chapter…and guess what?!?!**

****

EPOV 

I was dead.

Not physically, but in a sense that my life had ceased all meaning.

I was like a zombie, forced to roam the earth but not physically living, not enjoying a life.

Knowing that I left my Bella, my angel, the very person that gave meaning to my existence, was simply too much to bear. Her beautiful face was etched on my eyelids, so that every time I closed my eyes I was haunted with visions of this lovely creature.

Who didn't deserve me. I thought back to the last image I had of her, broken on the forest floor. And it was all my fault. How could she not see the monster I was? How could she look past this shining skin, the super human strength, the pure fact that I was a killer, and still manage to love me?

But yet she did. And oh, how I loved her. I loved her with every fiber of my being, with every molecule of my body. And I didn't deserve my angel….and yet I had her, or at least I did.

I loved her so much, I had to leave her. She would be better without me, without the constant threat my family and I posed. Every moment I spent with her, the more danger I was putting her in. Her eighteenth birthday party was a perfect example of that.

Who knew one little paper cut could create a wound so deep?

Not a moment goes by when I don't think of my precious Bella, who loved me even when I didn't deserve it. Leaving her had been for the best…right? But, what if she was miserable, going through as much suffering as I?

_Stop thinking like that Edward, _I internally scolded myself, _of course she's perfectly happy. She was only left by the person she loved most…okay, maybe not so good._

It's bad when your reassuring thoughts start to doubt themselves.

But what would be the harm in seeing if I was right or not?

**Oh, lookie here, looks like we got ourselves a plotline!**

**Sorry my chapters have been really short, but nothing's really happening. And when things start happening, the chapters get longer.**

**And don't forget, the more you review the more inspiration I shall have when writing next time. Soo…**

**REVIEWW! :]**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Hello all! I've decided to update much much more! So ENJOY!**

**EPOV**

The moment I made my decision, my phone started ringing in my pocket. I had one guess who it was. Sighing, I took my phone out of my pocket, wondering what Alice had in store for me.

"You're going back." It wasn't a question. If I had any doubts in my mind about going to Forks, Alice cleared them up with this one simple statement. I contemplated my reply for a moment.

"Well, yes," I said, deciding on a simple reply with no explanation.

"I suppose your not going to let us come?" Alice answered.

"Alice, I'm just going to go and check on her. I'm sure she'll be fine. There's really no reason to come back. It's just…I need to make sure she's alright. You've been keeping out of her future, like I told you? Well, continue to do so. She's a lot better without us. I just….need to check on her," I said.

"Sounds like a lot of self-reassuring Edward." So Alice had caught on to the fact that my little speech was more for myself then her, then.

"And that's why I have to go and make sure she's really alright." I heard Alice release a soft sigh on the other end of the line.

"Your flight leaves in three hours." Well, at least she understood.

"Thanks, Alice." And with that, I hung up the phone and headed towards the airport.

The drive to the airport was one of the most anxious drives I had even driven. Every moment seemed to stretch on, and, even though each moment brought me closer to Bella, the wait was unbearable. I needed to see her angel's face, to make sure she was actually real, and not a figment of my imagination. I needed my Bella back.

As I drove to the airport, I pondered the possibilities of what I would find when I ventured into the small town of Forks. I refused to think of Bella being broken and miserable; I was sure she was much better without me. If I found her leading a happy and normal life, I would leave her alone. She deserved much better than I; I couldn't keep her from that. But I didn't think I'd be able to leave my angel again. The pain would be unbearable. So I would watch, from a distance, as she aged, grew up, married and had children. The thought of Bella with another man was momentarily heartbreaking, until I reminded myself why I left her in the first place. The day my angel left this Earth, would be the day I went too. I couldn't exist without her alive.

I pulled into the airport parking lot and parked my car. I only had a small carry-on bag. The story was that I, Jamie Garret, was a business man on a business trip to Port Angeles to visit my business partner. You could never be too careful.

I went up to the counter to check in. There I encountered a young woman, about 25. _Hello handsome._ I heard her think. She then started batting her eyelashes shamelessly at me, and said in the most seductive (yet disgusting and untactful) voice she could manage,

"Hello Mr. Garrett. Your flight is at 2:30, leaving from gate B13. I see your flying first class?" _Oh, he's rich too. And what man wouldn't fall at my feet? _It boggled my mind how women could be so absorbed in themselves. So, I said in the most flat, nasally and unattractive voice I could manage, "Yes thank you very much," and departed from the counter and found a seat in the waiting area of Gate B13.

I pretended to be absorbed in a newspaper, when all I could really think about was how close I was to Bella. How in 7 hours time, I would be close enough to see my angels face.

The plane arrived and I boarded, lucky that no one was seated next to me. I closed my eyes and thought only of Bella, my angel.

**Okay, it's still not that long but it's longer then it's been. Edward's in New York, which is a 6 hours (correct me if I'm wrong) flight to Seattle, then a quick flight to Port Angeles, then about an hour drive to Forks, but Edward here drives pretty fast :p**

**Anyways, if you have any questions feel free to ask. I would've had this chapter up sooner, but I just couldn't write the whole phone call part at first, but then I sat down again and I did. So yes please review because it makes my day, and it possibly inspires my fingers to type my story out a little sooner, so yea. REVIEWWW :]**


	5. Chapter 5

**I just want to thank everybody who reads my story, and adds it to their favorites and alerts, and reviews. You guys are awesome! Anywho, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**EPOV**

The plane landed with a loud thump. That was the worse plane ride of my life, not because the people around me thought perverted thoughts, or the fact that the female flight attendants tried to hit on me every chance they got. All I wanted to do was immerse myself in thoughts of Bella. That was the worst plane ride of my existence because I don't know what to expect once I arrive to Forks, and I know that my angel may be so close, yet farther away than ever.

Since I didn't have any mode of transportation, I walked away from the airport at a perfectly normal human pace until I entered a nearby forest. As soon as I was out of sight from all civilization, I decided to hunt. I could remember that first day in Biology, and decided I didn't want to take any risks. But the thought of me causing my angel pain was so immensely heartbreaking I couldn't bear to think of it anymore, or ever again for that matter.

Once I ventured deeper into the forest, I found a nice little clearing. My mind instantly wondered to that day in our meadow, how pivotal that day was in my mind. That day was truly one of the best days sin my life. I finally had my Bella, and I couldn't of been happier. And now I had lost her, lost life, lost meaning to everything. I knew I would see her soon, but would it be enough?

Shoving all thoughts aside, I focused on the hunt. I took a deep breath, and immediately caught the scent of a few elk downstream. I took off, running towards the sight of the aroma. I soon arrived, and the elk scattered at the sight of me. I chased after the biggest and the strongest male, not wanting to leave the young to fend for themselves in the wild. I caught up with him after a few moments, and drank his blood dry. One elk would be enough to satisfy me; I had to hunt as a precaution before the plane ride.

As soon as I was finished with my prey, I ran, ran faster than I could ever remember. I ran with all my heart, with all of my existence, just to get a glimpse of the glorious face I yearned to see so much. I ran, because I needed to know she was okay. I ran to make sure I would be okay, too.

As I edged closer to the outskirts of town, it took all of my willpower to slow down. I was so close to her, close enough that I would be there soon. So close, I forgot why I left in the first place.

Soon enough, I was on Bella's block. Closer and closer I came. Soon I was in front of her house. I almost exploded I was so close to my angel, so anxious. Every second seemed precious; every moment that wasn't spent with her was a moment truly wasted.

I climbed up the side of the house; it was late and Bella should be sleeping. I could smell her, the smell I had once longed for so much meant little in comparison to the person.

I opened the window and was shocked with what I found.

**Mwhaha I feel evil leaving it there, but what's a story without a good cliffhanger? The more reviews, the faster the next chapter comes and I'm pretty sure you'll want to know what happens next :p**

**Anyways, REVIEWWW :]**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Nope, Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

**You guys should check out ****Life's No Fairytale ****by Lynseyy, who is my inspiration :]**

**Hello all! The anticipated chapter….dun dun dun. AND….your getting BPOV and EPOV! Yay, that makes you happy right?**

**BPOV**

It had been exactly a week since I had been broken again. I had finally found some remedy to my broken heart, a distraction of sorts, and as soon as I may have had a chance to get better it was ripped away from me. Once I got over my initial shock, I became a zombie again. I couldn't care, I couldn't bring myself to feel any emotion anymore. It would all end in heartbreak.

I went through the motions of a normal life, even thought it was far from that. I did it all for Charlie; I couldn't bear to leave him broken and alone as I was. I decided to cook some simple pasta for him. We sat in silence, and I only answered questions when directly asked. I could tell Charlie was worried about something. He remained unusually quiet. Finally, he voiced his opinion.

"Bella are you alright? Ever since, well you know, you seemed so, so….emotionless. And then you started hanging around with Jake, and you got better. But, honey, you seems so broken. Please, Bella, what's wrong?"

I couldn't take it. I didn't want to put Charlie in pain. But I was empty, and he saw through my attempts at normalcy. But I couldn't drop the act, so I did the only thing I could think of that would reassure him. I lied. So, with as much emotion as I could muster, I said,

"Dad, I'm fine. I'm just under a lot of pressure; it's my last year in high school and I want to get into a good college. But don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

One look from Charlie and I could tell he didn't quite believe me, but he'd let me be for a while.

"I'm going to go do my homework. Night Dad," I said. I then kissed his cheek, a rare sigh of affection as Charlie and I are both shy when expressing emotions, but I needed him to believe I was alright for the time being. I would try for him.

I went up into my room and did my geometry homework. Soon, I found myself falling asleep, so I woke myself up and took a shower. My familiar strawberry shampoo and the warm water helped me relax. I crawled into bed and fell asleep for the night, expecting nothing from tomorrow.

**EPOV**

There was my angel. But she was different. She looked…..miserable. She was thinner, to a point where it was close to unhealthy. Her face was hallow, and she looked like she hasn't laughed, or smiled, a real smile, in forever. She was broken, and it was my entire fault.

Even though she was broken, I couldn't help but admire how beautiful she was. Her lips were a soft pink, and I could just imagine her chin jutting out in stubbornness. Her dark brown hair was spread around her face, framing it perfectly. I could just imagine her chocolate brown eyes, and I was instantly reminded with how empty I had been without her in my life.

I hated myself so much in that moment. I broke an angel, and not just any angel. She was my angel. I did this to her, I made her like this. I thought what I did was right, but instead I made it worse. I wanted to die, to suffer for what I did to her, to my Bella. But I knew that would make her unhappy, and she was the being that tied me to this earth.

I climbed into the room and I sat in the familiar rocking chair I had inhabited before, in happier times. I just sat and watched my Bella. Every part of me screamed to go over and touch her, and make sure she was real. But she looked so fragile, and I was afraid she would break at the slightest touch.

I was drowning in self loathing.

How could I, who believed she would benefit from our leaving, be so blind. She needed me, just like I needed her. I would never be able to leave her again, and I'd never be able to forgive myself for what I did.

I couldn't leave now. I needed to fix this. I pondered what I would do now. I had planned on Bella being fine without me. How very wrong I was. I wanted so badly to protect her from me, from my family; I had been too stubborn to see what would happen once we left. I had always assumed that she would be fine, since I didn't deserve her. She was too good for me, but I couldn't see a way that I'd ever be able to tear myself away from her again. It seemed that one more heartache and she'd shatter.

Suddenly, I was drawn out of my thoughts by a piercing scream that chilled me to the bone.

**Angsty, yes I know. Reviews make me happy, and they should make you happy too because you get your chapters much more quickly :]**

**Oh and Edward always refers to Bella as his angel because he's so lost without her, and he just keeps thinking she's an angel. **

**Anyways, REVIEWWW! :]**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello all! I hope you all had a Happy Easter! Sadly, Spring Break is almost over so I won't be able to update as frequently. But reviews are the ultimate motivation (keep that in mind) and to all you reviews thanks for the reviews. I was smiling like an idiot when I saw your them. :]**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me.**

**EPOV**

I froze. Had she seen me? One look told me that she was screaming from the nightmare she had, not from the reappearance of myself. It was only a quick relief though, as I panicked and ran into the open closet and quietly shut the door, unnoticed by Bella.

Pain. I caused Bella pain. I did this to her. It was unbearable, stuffed in a closet, wanting to comfort her, and not being able to do anything without putting her in a worse condition than she was already in. I had no idea how she would react to seeing me again. I waited for Charlie to come in and check on his daughter. When he didn't come, I focused on his thoughts, finding only a sense of familiarity, as if it were a daily part of life in the Swan household. This only made me feel worse.

I couldn't stand that I left my angel to suffer while I wallowed in my own self pity. I was so stubborn, so bent on protecting her from the physical aspect of vampires that I had somehow seemed to overlook the emotional pain I would put my Bella through. A true monster.

As I sat in the closet of my beloved, I noticed a deformed black shape with all sorts of wires sticking out at odd angles. As I looked closer to inspect it, I realized it was the radio that Bella received for her disastrous eighteenth birthday. It looked like it had been ripped out of its socket. Emmett, Jasper, and Rose wouldn't be happy with that. I let my thoughts drift to the things I hid under Bella's floorboards. Had she found them?

I wondered what I was going to do. I couldn't just step out of the closet and say, "Honey, I'm home!" So, I decided I would observe Bella for the day and figure out something from there.

**BPOV**

Tonight's nightmare was worse then usual. I wondered the forest, aimlessly. I knew I wound find what I had been looking for, finally. I walked and walked, and then there, sitting in a tree, I found Edward. He was different though, much darker than I remembered him. His eyes were pitch black. I went to the tree, and he jumped down. Suddenly, I was reliving my memory of that frightful day in the forest. Then, with a hallow look on his face, Edward spat,

"I don't love you Bella." And then I woke up screaming.

Not only did this dream reopen my emotional wounds, it had also terrified me. And I didn't know why.

As soon as I woke up, I had the most peculiar feeling I was being watched. I shook it off, and headed downstairs to my awaiting cereal. After I ate, I got ready for school and went to my truck. I climbed into the cab, and was greeted by the gapping hole that was once my stereo. Suddenly, the hole in my chest felt bigger than ever before, and I had to pull my knees to my chest to hold myself together. Once I got over the fresh wave of pain, the feeling I was being watch grew stronger. I told myself I was just being paranoid, and drove off to school.

School went by without an incident. Everyone left me alone as usual, used to my odd behavior by now. They gave up on trying to reach me in the state I was in.

I arrived home from school, and went up to my room to work on my homework. My grades had been improving, now that I had nothing else to do but immerse myself in school work and housework and try not to think of anything else.

I cooked Charlie dinner, almost burning myself in the process. We sat down, and I tried to remain as normal as possible, for Charlie. All I could manage was the usual only answering questions when asked. If I showed any more emotion I would surely burst.

I could tell Charlie was worried about me. But I couldn't do anything more to comfort him.

I went upstairs and finished my homework. I was exhausted from another empty day of pain, and my dreams would offer me no comfort. With that final though, I drifted off to sleep.

**EPOV**

As soon as Bella went downstairs, I darted out the open window and ran around to the side of the house. I watched Bella through the window. She was like a walking zombie, showing no emotion.

I waited at the side of the house until Bella emerged from the house and sat in her truck. She glanced at the huge hole where the stereo was and she pulled her legs into her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees, like she was holding herself together. It broke my heart.

Before I knew what I was doing, I ran towards the bat up old car Bella loved. I was 10 feet away when I remembered I couldn't be there to comfort her, to heal her wounds. Not yet. And it broke me, seeing her so broken.

I followed Bella to school, running in the forest along the road to school. She pulled into the parking lot, and almost fell getting out of her car. It killed me, not being able to protect her. But I couldn't make her any more emotionally unstable than she already was.

Bella seemed to pay more attention in class than I had ever seen her do so before. But she would only talk when asked a question directly, and never offered any conversation. The thing that bothered me most was that everybody seemed used to it.

I peered into the minds of the other students, and the teachers, looking for any signs of Bella. Even the vile Mike Newton, which I detested. But I searched and searched, and they all paid no mind to the fact that the beautiful girl with the chocolate brown eyes and the brown hair was in pain. They all were past trying to reach out, knowing she would reject their offers.

As lunch came around, it angered me that no one seemed concerned about Bella anymore. That was, until Angela arrived. She was an honestly nice person, and I was once again glad that I had secretly set her up with Ben. Even after all this time, she was still worried about her friend. And I was happy that Bella still had one friend she could rely on in the vicious world of high school.

The rest of the day passed in the same manner. Soon enough, Bella was driving home. She did her homework, and cooked Charlie dinner. When she almost burnt herself I almost had a heart attack, but luckily she saved herself before she could be injured.

At dinner, Bella only answered when directly asked a question. She seemed to try to put more effort in for Charlie, but she could only do so much. Soon she was getting ready for bed. As soon as she was asleep, I climbed into the open window. She looked so beautiful, even in her broken state. Suddenly, I couldn't resist any longer.

I walked forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Hello love," I whispered. Suddenly, I was greeted with a pair of chocolate brown eyes I had so longed to stare into once again.

**I know, I'm evil with my evil cliffhangers. I didn't know where else to stop it! But anyways this is my longest chapter ever! So, I'd say its time for you to REVIEWWW :]**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Hello! Okay, I hope you're all excited for chapter 8 because here it is! DUN DUN DUN! I'm gonna try to not have as many cliffhangers, but I can't make an promises :p Oh, and this is dedicated to my best friend who saved me from a lawnmower!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I could've started into those eyes forever.

Of course, I didn't have much time. I panicked. I had been caught. What was I going to do? How would she react? I didn't have to wait long for an answer though.

"Oh, hello Edward," Bella said. Her voice taught me totally off guard. How long I had imagined hearing that voice, hearing her say my name, I couldn't even remember. I just wanted to get lost in her voice and never get found.

Once I got over how wonderful it heard to hear her voice, her casual response to my presence startled me. Shouldn't she be screaming, or crying, or another dramatic response? But then I realized how broken she sounded, even when she didn't mean to be. It sounded wrong, having such a beautiful voice sounding so sad.

I could tell she had noticed my shocked expression. Her eyes met mine and then she cocked her head ever so slightly and said, "Your usually not so confused."

At this, I became thoroughly confused. What did she mean, "usually?" And then it hit me. She though she was dreaming.

What was I going to do? I couldn't bear to let her know she wasn't. I didn't think she could handle it. Not yet. I was filled with so much emotion, after coming back and finding my sweet, sweet Bella a complete emotional wreck. I didn't want to shatter her happiness in the dream she believed she was having. So, I went along with it. Anything to make her happy.

"And what am I usually doing?" I asked, playing along while trying to get my answers. It bothered me that I was finally talking to my Bella, and in the morning it would all be a distant, unclear memory that she couldn't be certain was real or not. But I shoved that thought aside for the moment.

"Bella, I love you." I suddenly told her, in the softest, sweetest, and most loving voice I had ever spoken in. I couldn't contain myself. I needed her to know how I felt.

"Well that's certainly a change from last night," Bella said, "a complete 180 if you ask me." She attempted a laugh, but when she saw my confused face she abruptly stopped.

"And what was it happened last night?" I was completely lost. I decided to ask her as if I already knew the answers, and she what happened from there. In happier times, she once told me I dazzled her frequently. I hoped to use that skill to its full potential to find out what I had missed in my angels life. I didn't know how well I could dazzle when I was so worried about Bella in her current state, but I reassured myself it was all for the benefit of Bella.

"Well, last night was…terrifying." For a moment I almost lost it when I saw the scared look on Bella's face. I wondered what she could've dreamt about? The emotional scars I left her with, and just that fact that I was a vampire only worried me even more. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I realized Bella started talking again.

"At first, I was just wondering around, lost in the misty forest like I usually was. Except I felt like I was going to find what I had been searching for all this time. So I walked around for a little while, and then there you were, sitting in a tree. Except you were…different. Nothing like you look like now. Your eyes were blacker than I've ever seen them, and you looked angry about something. Even though I saw this, I went towards the tree anyways. Then you jumped down, and…and…" she trailed off. I noticed there were tears silently streaming down her face.

Oh God. What have I done? I left her broken and alone, and she had nightmares every night. BY the way Charlie reacted to her screams I could tell they were particularly upsetting to Bella. What had happened?

"Bella? It's alright, you can tell me. It was just a dream, they always seem scarier than they really are." I assured her, using my dazzling skills and my most soothing voice. This seemed to calm her.

"You told me you didn't love me," She whispered, so quiet that a human would barely hear it.

If it was possible, my heart would've shattered in that moment. How could she think I didn't love her?

She had believed me, that day in the forest, when I left her. When I lied, when I told her I didn't love her. She couldn't have believed me though, could she? Could she honestly believe that I wouldn't have left her unless it was absolutely necessary, that all I did was for her? But I could be a convincing liar when I needed to be, and Bella's pain had shocked her into believing me.

I bent down and whispered in her ear, "Bella, do you honestly believe that I don't love you?"

I wiped the tears from her eyes. I couldn't stand to see her cry. Suddenly, I laid down next to her on the bed, just like we always had.

"But, that day in the forest…" she said.

I cut her off. "That day in the forest, I was lieing. I didn't think you would believe me. I had to lie, Bella, because it was the only way I'd be able to leave you. It hurt me, to the core of my being, to hurt you Bella, but I had to protect you."

She digested this information for a moment.

"Why did you leave me Edward?" She said in the saddest of whispers. My heart kept breaking over and over again, but yet it remained in tact because of the beautiful creature I was holding in my arms.

"I had to Bella. I had to protect you from my family, from my kind. You were almost killed, or worse, and it was all my fault. I shouldn't have been so foolish. But in my determination to protect you Bella, I never stopped to think about the possibility you would be so…broken without me. I knew I would be in unbearable pain, but I had convinced myself you would be better without me." I explained. She would never be able to understand how sorry I was. I'd never be able to make it up. But that wouldn't stop me from trying.

Bella was staring at me intently. "It's okay." Whether she was saying this because she meant it or because she thought she was dreaming, I'd never know.

We just sat in each others arms for a while, enjoying each others company. This was pure bliss, for me at least. I had my Bella back, even if it was only temporarily. I would do everything in my power to make it permanent.

Bella was starting to drift off to sleep. The last thing she said before she would go to a place where she would really dream, she said, "I love you Edward."

And with those four words I was healed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I sat there and watched her sleep for the rest of the night. She was so beautiful, and it seemed for once she was sleeping peaceful. Every once and a while, I would hear her say my name, or say, "I love Edward." Each time it would bring a jolt of happiness to me.

All too soon, Bella was starting to wake up. I left her room through her window, and silently retreated into the woods behind Bella's house. As soon as I remembered the fact that Bella thought she was dreaming, I was instantly filled with dread. How could I be so happy and so unhappy at the same time?

**BPOV**

I woke up silently this morning. It was the first time I hadn't woke up screaming since, well since Edward left.

"Bella?" Charlie said, poking his head in my room, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine Dad. Why wouldn't I be?" My own voice surprised me. I felt happier, lighter. And I couldn't place my finger on why that was.

"I just…never mind. Well, I'm off to work, bye kiddo." Had Charlie noticed the change in my voice too?

I sat there and contemplated my newfound happiness, when all of a sudden a dream I had last night came rushing back to me. Edward was there, really there. He told me he loved me, he told me why he left. And I understood. Some of the details were foggy, but his touch had felt so real, the way his eyes could dazzle me was quite intense, to a point where he seemed almost desperate.

I tried shoving my surreal dream to the back of my mind, but no matter what I did I couldn't stop thinking about it. Everything had seemed so real, certain parts sharp in my mind. And then I wondered.

What if it wasn't a dream?

**Wow. I'm amazed I even wrote that myself. When I sat down to write this ch, I had no idea where I was going. But I started writing and it all came to me. Tell me what you think and REVIEWWW (this is my longest chapter ever and I ditched my biology homework to write it and my birthday is very soon so I would like it very much if you reviewed :p) ;]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**HEYYY GUYSS! Well the idea for this chapter just popped into my head and im PUMPED to write it ! mwahahahha :] The POV's will probably be switching around a lot in this chapter so bear with me please :] Sorry it took so long to get out, but I hope you enjoy :]**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Shocker.**

**BPOV**

I hadn't had any other dreams quite as real as the one I had two nights ago. My happiness was starting to fade, and soon I would be slipping back into my numbness. This is why dreams shouldn't be dreamt. They gave you something to hold on to, something to believe in. When in reality they weren't real.

Each night as I fell asleep, I thought of that dream, ran it over and over in my head trying to find the finer details I had forgotten. I hoped that if I thought about it as I lulled off to sleep, that the Edward who actually loved me would appear. But I didn't seem to have any nightmares anymore. I always had this odd comforting feeling in my jumbled dreams and I could almost feel it during the day as well. It puzzled me, but I was too distracted with obsessing over my dream that it was pushed to the back of my mind.

In school, I'm pretty sure the only one who noticed my slight change in attitude was Angela. Since I had built up such a wall around myself, most people tended to ignore me these days. But Angela always seemed concerned, even though she eventually stopped asking if I was alright. I think she could understand. Every one else though, they just ignored me and left me to their peace. They had stopped caring. I didn't mind at all. I had isolated myself.

Two weeks had passed, and not a word from Jake. In my abrupt and short burst of happiness, I thought that even though he had that girl on the beach, his soul mate, his imprint, maybe we could still be friends. I doubt that now I could let him in again, now that I was so broken being left twice. I needed him, to help with the gaping hole in my chest. I had been ready to accept him, to let him become what he always wanted to me. Even though it wouldn't have as much meaning as _he _had meant to me, it could be something. Maybe in time my wounds would have become just bearable enough to get through the day without numbness, and feel an emotion other than heartbreak, or heartache. But that was all taken away the moment he set eyes on the lady of his dreams. At least Jake would be happy, would have his match. But I was empty without mine, an empty shell of what I could be.

**EPOV**

After I left Bella's house that morning after her "dream" I received a call from my dear sister Alice. I didn't want to deal with her at the moment, both happy from my night with an angel and dreading it wasn't really real to her.

"Edward?" Alice's voice wasn't the one I wanted to hear at the moment. I wanted to hear Bella's voice and if I heard nothing else but that for the rest of my life I wouldn't care.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

"You let her think it was all a dream?" She asked.

I was suddenly fuming. She was supposed to stay out of Bella's future, not pay attention to every detail.

"I thought I told you to stay out of her future Alice!" I answered with much more venom that I meant to.

"I was watching out for you, and can I help it that your future happened to be intertwined with hers?" So, she had found a loophole. In my rush to get to Bella, I had completely forgotten tat I would be so close it would be almost impossible for Alice not to see Bella.

"I guess I forgot that part. Fine Alice, but don't tell me anything. I need to figure this out myself," I said, answering her unspoken request to look into Bella's future.

"Thank you Edward. Just…call me if anything go wrong." Alice said, sounding like she was containing something important. I couldn't care at the moment though; Bella was just about to leave for school.

"Bye Alice." I answered before she had a chance to reply back.

Bella seemed lighter, happier, only slightly though. It warmed my dead, unbeating heart. Barely anyone noticed, except for maybe Charlie and Angela. At night, I sat in her room, hoping to prevent her from having any more terrible nightmares.

By the second day, she seemed to be loosing her grip on her happiness. I couldn't let her be broken again, given hope to have it fail her. I tried and tried to think up a probable plan, but I couldn't. I decided that maybe, just maybe, I'd stop over thinking and just do anything for my Bella.

**BPOV**

I was in my room, after dinner, doing my homework. I was loosing hope fast, and I needed something, anything, to help me get a grip on reality once again.

I finished up my math homework, and I sat on my bed trying to remember my oddly clear dream. I couldn't get the idea out of my head that maybe it was real, the emotions too strong and the touches to sincere to have me dream them. And why hadn't it turned into a nightmare, like most things in my life? The abrupt end to them scared me a little. What had changed to cause this?

Just as I was on the brink of sleep, the phone rang. I sleepily went to answer it.

"Bella?" said a voice I never wanted to hear again. My wounds were once again reopened, and hot tears started streaming down my face.

"Ja-Ja-Jake?" I said, my voice trembling a bit.

"Yea, listen Bella, I'm really sorry about what happened at the beach. I can't control these kinds of things." He didn't seem sorry. After all, I remember what Jake said "_Sam said it's like the they become the center of your world, like they're the only thing that matters, and you'd do anything to make them happy. Anything at all._" I knew he couldn't be truly sorry fro what happened. He had found the one who was meant for him, maybe feeling bad about hurting the ones he thought he cared about in the process, but as long as whoever his imprint was wanted him to be happy, he would be happy. I didn't mean as much to him anymore, and even if I didn't love him the way he had loved me, it still hurt.

I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. The pain of being broken by my true love, and then broken again by the one I thought could help. Tears fell down my face, only this time they were tears of anger. I let all of the emotions that had secretly been building up go and poor Jacob just had to bear witness.

"Jake, you don't have any control over it. But you love her right? You'd do anything for her?" I could hear him agree quietly, and then I continued, "Imagine, Jake, that she left you, because she thought she was a danger to you. That she never loved you. Can you imagine the pain Jacob, of being left by the one you love most? And you're so hurt you've become a shell of yourself, numb. And then you find somebody. Somebody who could never take place of the one you lost, but a friend who helped, who took away a small amount of the pain. And you just want the pain to become bearable again, to not have to hold yourself together anymore. The other person wants more than just friendship with you, doesn't care that you're broken. You decide to give them a chance, because there's no way that you could ever be fully healed, but at least you'd have a way of coping. And the moment you decide to take that step, you're abandoned. Just left, for someone else. You can't even have your friend anymore, because you let yourself become heartbroken again. And it might as well be just as bad as the first time because you're one chance at happiness was gone. Doesn't even bother to make sure you got home safely, just leaves you there, on a beach, miles from home. And then they call up and try to explain, when really they had no idea." I would be sobbing in a moment. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Bella, I had no idea…" Jake started.

"Listen, I'm sorry Jake. I really am. But at least you understand now. I have to go. Bye." I snapped the phone shut, and than remained quiet for a moment until I head Charlie's quiet snores. And then I burst into sobs, feeling everything I had let build up over the past months of agony come back to me.

**EPOV**

I was just outside of Bella's window. She was almost asleep; I would soon climb through her window and watch her for the night.

Bella was almost asleep when her phone rang. I wondered who it could be.

I listened to all of it. Every word she said was like a dagger to my already shattered heart. All of the months I had spent it agony, away from my Bella was nothing compared to the overwhelming guilt for putting Bella through all of this, heartache that I wasn't able to comfort her, and never had I had a stronger feeling of self loathing. I could never forgive myself for what I had done to Bella.

Seeing her broken state when I first arrived, seeing her react with the others around her, it was nothing compared to her snapping, letting everything she was feeling break free once and for all. Every tear she cried, every sob she let free was another hole, another rip in my dead, unbeating heart that belonged to the girl in the bedroom. Her agony was mine. I couldn't have her sobbing, I couldn't stand her tears.

I had left her, gone with letting her believe I had moved past her, that I didn't love her anymore. How could I be so cruel? Let my undying love fade in the one it belonged to? I couldn't let her live on thinking I had never loved her; there wasn't anything so far from the truth in the whole entire universe and beyond.

I was perplexed about why Jacob would just abandon Bella on the beach. I had the odd feeling I was missing part of that story. But for whatever reason, he had hurt Bella. He had known Bella was broken too, but he still left her. I had thought of what she said about never fully healing. I had been wrong; she had no chance of ever being truly happy without me, just as I couldn't survive without her by my side.

I had always thought Bella could never love me as I loved her. My love for her is all I am. She's in everything I do. Maybe, just maybe, Bella returned the same love for me. Maybe I had underestimated how much she loved me. Ever since the beginning, I never thought she could love me the way I loved her; maybe I was wrong.

But I had ruined that for myself. I left because I thought it was what was best for her; to keep her safe. I never let myself think of negative scenarios, so convinced Bella would get along just fine without me. But she was just as lost without me as I was without her; we were two pieces of a whole.

I had to fix this; I couldn't let her be broken anymore. I had to piece her broken heart back together, make her whole again. I couldn't live with her broken like she was any longer. I needed her to be alright.

I was going to do something. I was going to make it better.

**Anyways, REVIEWW! Reviews make me smile :]**


	10. Chapter 10

**Gah, I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been busy and I was kinda stuck with what to do.**

**But never fear, for here is chapter 10!**

**And my inspiration for the chapter is my best friend Jamie, and the bands Chester French and Jack's Mannequin =D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, yadda yadda**

**EPOV**

It was time to put my plan into action.

I I could hear her ragged sobs, each one of them making the hole in my heart bigger and bigger, clawing at my very being. I was the cause of this, and I was going to make damn sure I made it better as well.

After enduring agony after agony of each heartbreaking sob, Bella began to calm down. But it wasn't enough for me. Nothing would ever be enough to make up for what I did. For what I was too foolish to see would happen once I left.

I climbed up the side of the house, and peered into the open window. Bella was lying face down, her head in her pillow, tears silently streaking down her pale, beautiful face. I wanted to go over there, take her into my arms and make the tears go away, erase all of the hurt I caused. I wanted to make it better, I wanted to make her whole again.

I had to admit, being in Bella's presence made me feel more alive than I had ever felt before. But the full sense of being happy was drowned with remorse. I couldn't stand seeing her and not touching her soft, soft skin, or talking to her and hearing the voice I would always recognize.

I just wish she would be able to see me as she did before.

As soon as that thought hit me, I was grasped by a whole new perspective. I knew that the majority of the reason I didn't directly approach Bella was I that I was afraid of shocking her, and knocking her mental health more off balance than it already was. But, was a small part of me afraid of rejection?

It hurt leaving Bella, and it hurt even more coming back and seeing what I did. It hurt being without her, and it hurt being with her but her not with me. But when I thought of being reunited with the one I loved, and having it taken away because it wasn't what she wanted, tore me apart. Then I realized the full pain I had caused Bella when I lied, when I told her I didn't want her. The pain of it all nearly destroyed me. And in truth, if Bella didn't want me, I'd deserve it. I would deserve all of it.

I thought I was a monster before. But now that I realized how such lies, when believed, could hurt so much. I couldn't deal with myself. I couldn't let her go on thinking I didn't want her. I loved her so much.

I silently climbed into the room. Bella hadn't heard anything, but by the way she suddenly tensed, I knew she could tell something had changed.

I paused for the longest moment of my life. What was I to do? I couldn't think of a plan. So, against my over thinking tendencies, I decided to just let whatever was going to happen, happen.

"Bella?" I said softly. So softly, I wasn't sure Bella heard me.

But she had, and her body tensed up. She seemed as if she was panicking, and I didn't know what to do. I shouldn't have come. I was going to be the cause when she went into a state of shock. I knew this was a bad idea, and I should'nt have talked myself into this. I as going to cause her more pain.

Slowly, she raised her tear streaked face up, her eyes met mine. And all of my worries disappeared.

They held a look of awe and wonder, as if she was experiencing something she thought would never happen.

Which she probably was.

I didn't know what to do. I stood there for the longest time, just staring into those eyes I missed to much, that I had seen every time I closed my eyes.

Bella's expression changed as she seemed to process what was happening.

"Edward?" She asked, sounding amazed and confused and hurt all at the same time.

I just nodded. Hearing her voice had paralyzed my vocal cords. I could never say anything to make it better, I could never apologize fully. I had done this to myself, and to her.

"Edward?" She asked again, this time a little louder, in disbelief.

After I nodded again, still not able to answer her, she slowly got up. I wasn't sure of what she was doing.

My question was answered in a few moment's time, when Bella ran into my arms and in return, my arms naturally wrapped around her fragile figure.

It could've been days we stood like this, it could've been years. But frankly, I didn't care.

I had missed her so much. Standing there, with Bella in my arms, I couldn't even remember why I left in the first place. I was such a fool. How would things be better if Bella and I weren't together? The universe only seemed right when she was here with me.

I should've taken a moment to explain myself, to tell her how sorry I was. I knew I would never be able to make it up to her, but I had to start somewhere. The moment was so perfect, so surreal, my mouth wasn't able to form any words. I couldn't let this moment go.

In the moment, it was like all of the damage, pain and suffering both of our broken hearts had been through was erased. It didn't matter that I had spent months without her. All that mattered was that I was with her now.

All that had ever mattered to me, everything I had ever felt, it was nothing compared to this moment. To having my Bella back, to being whole again, nothing had ever felt so wonderful. It was pure bliss, to just have the one person I had longed to see, to hold, to love, for so long, back in my arms.

Suddenly having her in my arms wasn't enough. I pulled back from our embrace, to meet Bella's confused and hurt eyes. She thought I was leaving her again, like I had in the forest months before. I chuckled quietly and pulled her lips up onto mine.

There was nothing like the feeling of Bella's soft, warm body pressed against mine, or her soft lips moving in synch with mine. The world could be crumbling around me, and I wouldn't care, as long as I was with my Bella.

All I could ever need was my Bella, my angel.

**BPOV**

I sat there and sobbed for longer than I cared to remember. I cried and cried, letting all of my pent up emotions go. It may have felt good, but I knew it would never make things better.

After a while, I calmed down enough to stop sobbing. But that didn't stop the tears.

The pain of being left once by the once I loved most, was an unbearable wound. I became a zombie, living but not feeling. I had broken out of that shell, I had begun to heal, if only infinitesimally. With the help of Jacob, I began to feel again, to live. I decided to take it further, to take a risk and hope for the best, being left with the worst. My one chance at Happiness was taken away, reverting me back to my state of an emotionless zombie. I was broken beyond compare.

Suddenly, I felt a change in the atmosphere. I suppose I should have been spooked, or scared, but I felt oddly hopeful, and I had no idea why.

Until of course, I heard a soft voice whisper my name, barely audible to my ears. But I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

Once my brain had time to process the information, my body tensed up and I was afraid I'd go into shock. I began to panic, but only one thing would calm me down.

I slowly lifted my head, and I was instantly met with the eyes that I had longed to see for months, and the face that was always in my dreams. Except they were nothing compared to the real Edward standing in front of me.

"Edward?" I spoke softly, knowing full well he'd hear me. He just nodded, and his eyes held a look of wonder and awe that I was sure matched mine.

"Edward?" I asked again in disbelief. What was he doing here, randomly appearing here in my room after months upon months of pain, of nothing?

And then I realized that I didn't care. All that mattered was that he was here now. Almost instinctively, I ran across the room and into his arms, which in response wrapped around my waist.

In all my months of numbness, of trying not to think about anything that had to do with Edward, I had forgotten how much I had missed him. I had missed him every single second, every single moment of this, of all of this.

The moment was pure bliss. It was everything that I had longed for, everything I needed to survive. I could stay like this for years, and I would be happy just because I was in Edward's arms.

The gaping hole in my chest was gone, as if it had never existed. And it never would again, as long as Edward was by my side.

Suddenly, Edward jerked out of the embrace. I felt hurt and rejected, even though I knew he wasn't going to leave. I already missed the feel of him, his smell, his everything.

Noticing the look on my face, he chucked softly and titled my chin up towards him. Then, he pulled his lips to mine.

I let everything I felt for Edward seep into that kiss. I loved him, I had missed him so much, and I needed him. If I thought everything was perfect before, I had been wrong. I could forget everything that I had been through, all of the pain, just because Edward was back. His cold, hard body pressed to mine, and his lips moving in sync with mine. Things were back to the way they should've been from the start.

I was healed.

**I hope you liked it :]**

**I also think I might go back and make some of my earlier chapters longer, because I was looking back and they're pathetically short, and I would like to improve them. But it all depends on what you guys think, so please press that review button and tell me so.**

**Anyways, REVIEWWW ;]**


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